Archive for July, 2009
evangelical crack, or the balance
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
Posted by jchaseinyoface
I have now entered the young to old adult tradition of constant annoyance with my work and non-work imbalance. The dubbing of this tradition has been assumed, as I am not sure yet how to fix this imbalance. I was taught to live a life of constant meaning-making, belief and positive thinking, though it wasn’t named after any of those non-Christian terms. I remember starting my day with prayers that sealed the pain I felt from life’s up and downs in a small place inside my heart that was hardly ever given attention. My prayers, mainly consisting of hope, positive expectation and certainty, were the centerfold of my evangelical reflection; also the base of my ignorance of politics, psychological health and social blind-sided-ness. It’s not like this for everyone and though I have a multitude of friends who have experienced this centerfold dilemma, either in their personal history or current beliefs, but the inner workings of the Christian Evangelical life that I led, had me thinking positive, confident, and certain. In time I found this unsustainable.
I have left the practices and culture of the American Christian Evangelical church (”non-denominational”: though that does not accurately regard where my childhood church was started, initially funded, or legally affiliated) for so many reasons. The first part of my transition to my current spiritual/economical/political practice happened when I moved to college. In southern California I did not have the same people, church, or reputation; what I later learned to call my identity. In my past no one talked about personal identity as a changeable or tangible social construction, rather it was poetically drafted into the New International Version of the Bible and various mysterious stories about people’s personal lives and the changes that occurred when that individual had responded or been a recipient of a supernatural interaction, however normal or abnormal it might be (I experienced many of these mysteries). Thus began my conquest and enrapturing experience of academia, feminism, bi-sexuality, art, Christian organizations, churches, biblical studies, independence, and activism. When I realized that the identity I found most honest and most personally connected to no longer fit the Evangelical mold, I was slowly and naturally phasing out of those circles and networks as a professional. I mean, I was going to be working at an Evangelical Christian institution for the rest of my life until just a couple years ago. Now I have left that work to some friends and some folks who I hope to shake off like dust from my sandals – some of them, I will see again, as life so unravels, and I will stretch my fabric to intertwine with forgiveness if I have the strength.
Now, as a woman, tied to her heart and mind, I find myself sinking into the negativity of the secular institution. A slave to sloth and financial insecurity, my heart and mind sometimes morph into the wheel of fortune and time ticks away on pegs of different calculations and theoretical options for my adult profession and way of life. I used to rely so heavily on the time tables of school and church activity. These days my months are both short and long and this whole last year a trial at living without any system but the one that I create. And my emotional solitude so easily cramped in between different productions and going somewhere. I have all this space to balance all that I desire and yet I have found my former evangelical love affair a habit that my dependancy and identity became entwined with and still crave. It was almost like a crack addiction: now I have to create a new lifestyle, equipped with all the positives of my past while reinforcing my identity as the woman who is aware of her economical, spiritual, emotional and sexual self. And somehow as an adult you figure out how to balance all of that simultaneously with a job? To all of you adults out there, I put it to you for getting through the times of imbalance and professional exploration. I believe things will change, but also know that it is important to embrace the now and be cool with it, “Don’t stress. Shit happens.” My theological training is a lot less articulated these days, but maybe that’s part of the balance.
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2nd Annual SoCal Anarchist Conference… you comin’?
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
Posted by arielclimer
Hey Everyone, it’s time for a new favorite tradition. The SoCal Anarchist Conference! I personally love conferences because it’s always a bunch of cool minds getting together. Plus, we’ll get more ideas for the house. Anyone and everyone should go!
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A reminder.
Friday, July 3rd, 2009
Posted by jpmartinez
This sacred place.
patient and beautiful.
Teaches us to rest in this moment.
Until we witness;
Frowns that break under the weight of beauty.
Smiles that reflect the gentle gaze our souls have met.
Sacred laughs turning into sacred tears
and the secrets of the earth;
slowly singing melodies into our ears
praising peace into a parade of branches and leaves
Until It feels like
my heart.
beating into the earth.
and the earth
beating into your heart.
And its rhythms begin to sway our bodies to the tune
of the music that we are.
And it plays so lovely and true.
In its nobility and grace, it frees mountains and trees
so that lies and deceit no longer tint the shades from which we see
and somehow as if looking into a mirror,
we see the most wonderful parts of ourselves when we look at each other.
patient and beautiful.
Where we can forever rest in this moment.
This sacred space.
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SynchronicityLA’s “Make-Believe” Writer’s Workshop.
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
Posted by jpmartinez
On Tuesday, writer’s at synchronicity LA came together for their first “Make-Believe Writer’s Workshop” where each individual can come and share an open space of creative energy and the space to explore their voices and the inner voices that brought out those words. Here is a small recap of the night along with memorable quotes of the night that gave forth life to new voices.
“And I’m tired of my words saying “Fuck You!” I want them to say “I Love you”
– Mariah
We share ourselves to each other in the emotions of our words and we put words into existence to feel our emotions. And it was the first night that we came together in an intentional way to share our creativity and catharsis, in the ways where our connections can bring context and depth to the challenges of what it means to be ourselves and to let our words speak forth revelations, apologies, anger, pain, prophecy, in our imagination and creativity.
“Bump. Bump, Bump”
-Lydia
We all need new words, and we only learn how to find them when we step into new places, so we go forth into new paths looking for symbols, sounds, sights, that might bring us closer to the words we are looking for, or the words that we need to lose. And we make new words with each other, connecting feelings and emotion to thoughts and impulses forging ahead trails of glorious discovery and amazement.
“Coffee dripping.”
-Ariel
“I used to believe that god was a nest and we were birds.”
-Johanna
Voices begin to find their way out into the silence, and much in the same way that the negative space still has the ability to make pictures, so do the words that we have learned to unsay still can make stories. So we tell them to each other hoping that somehow having our stories heard by those that can hear makes us believe in them more.
“You are”
-Amy
There is lots to be said of riding the momentum of our collective creativity, and I believe that as we continue to share our creative energy with one another, we can continue to shape the realities which we inhabit. We hope to continue riding the collective wave that was sprung from the ocean of our words, and we hope to find growth in our words where they dig deeper into our roots and grow out into the skies with our imaginations.
“Truth so dangerously beautiful my words begin to transform crossword puzzles into Psalms”
-J.P.
Come join us every Wednesday night at 9:00pm for the “Make-Believe” writers workshop. Bring your voice, your creativity, your intention and kindness. Where we all come together and make-believe.
“Carrots and raisins are my art teachers.”
-Trent
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